The Liberation of Cornton

Almost all of Cornton demolished

2009-02-15T19:20:00.002+01:00

Yes it is true and some of the old security cameras will be connected to the world wide web soon.

Scotland Not a country

2007-05-15T20:49:00.000+02:00

Scotland is not a country - Shock.

The latest news from geek news site slashdot (a site for unemployed people and students who have not had sex with another living human being) is that Scotland, England and Wales are apparently not countries anymore.
Read it all here:
Slashdot

2007-01-25T21:23:00.000+01:00

Nuclear Power Station Go Ahead Brings Jobs Cheer to Cornton
A major development on Global Warming.

PLANNERS at Stirling Council look likely to ignore more than 17 objections from locals and approve a new Fast Breeder Reactor (FBR) in Cornton. The decision is expected to great 162 new jobs amongst the unskilled, cheap electricity and free heating from the hot water generated by the cooling system.

Cornton Nuklear PLC want to build a new innovative Compact Fast Breeder Reactor on the site of the Bus Terminus in Johnstone Avenue near the new mobile phone mast.

A decision on the application hady been deferred twice by Stirling councillors, who wanted more information about council policy on Compact Nuclear Power Stations and the potential economic impact. CN PLC CEO Dr Peter Hartz welcomed the decision. "Cornton is now in a global player in the fight against global warming. Our revolutionary Compact Fast Breeder Reactor brings safe, clean environmentally friendly power to Cornton"

The new power station is one of the most productive in the world, generating 1400 megawatts - just 200 megawatts less than the giant Olkiluoto, reactor in Finland.

"This development means Cornton will not only benefit from an injection of employment, but all households will benefit from discounted electricity and a new free underground heating system when cooling water from the reactor will be circulated around the estate to provide central heating"

If the council fights the appeal it must make its views on the proposal clear to the Executive, but planning officials are recommending instead that the application is approved and that the appeal is not contested.

Cornton Community Council, however, still wants the application — which attracted a 17-signature petition — rejected.

Cornton apartment block sold to wealthy yank

2006-03-30T12:55:00.000+02:00

Cornton apartment blocks sold to an American Internet billionaire.

You may have heard of the wealthy American who bought London Bridge and restored it in the middle of the American desert. Well another American, dot.com billionare Abraham Johnstone, has decided to buy the Etive Place, Adamson Place and Johnstone Avenue council flats.
Although the council originally intended to raise these Relics of political incompetence to the ground, they will now be painstakingly disassembled, each brick, roof beam or tile will be numbered, catalogued and shipped by a specially modified fleet of Boeing 747’s to the Desert in Salt Lake, Utah.

Abraham Johnstone was a Student at Stirling University in the early 80’s where he studied computing science.
“I arrived back in the States just in time to catch the huge wave of investment in Dot.Com companies and I was lucky enough to sell my prayer website – www.onbendedknee.com to a New York Investment group for a fabulous fortune.”

2006-01-20T20:47:00.000+01:00

Naturally a famous place like the Cornton needs an entry in wikepedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stirling#Buildings_of_Interest

Or just read it here:

Cornton

The ancient village of Cornton on the North Bank of the River Forth is amongst the oldest of Stirling settlements originating in Pre-Roman times and servicing the ford marked by the Causewayhead Road. The area that is now the Cornton and on the opposite bank, the Raploch, were the only available patches of agricultural land prior to draining programs of later eras. Wallace´s Battle of Stirling Bridge took place on and around the site of the present housing estate and although there is no clear marker anywhere to inform the adventurous visitor, the dominant position of the Abbey Craig indicates the natural route to the battle scene. The original bridge was anecdotally regarded as being positoned at least fifty metres up stream from the present location of the medieval bridge and archeaological dives in the last century provided eviidence of the original piers of a previous bridge.

Streets of The Cornton

Street names in the Cornton have always avoided politicisation and over the years residents have striven to continue the ancient tradition of naming streets after geographical features. The estate has only three streets named after individuals - Johnstone Avenue is named after the legendary footballer Jimmy Johnstone, Mongtgomery Crescent is named after the legendary Second World War Legend Field Marshall Montgomery and Adamson Place is named after the legendary Joy Adamson, tireless writer and campaigner for lions. All the other streets and roads are either mountains or glens Ledi View, Menteith Road - named after the only lake in Scotland, Voil Road, Achray Drive, Strathmore Drive (the longest street), Strathmore Crescent, Cruachan Avenue, Ruskie Road and the highly desirable Vorlich Place

Buildings of Interest

The Chalet in Strathmore Drive is Stirling's only authentic reproduction of a Swiss Chalet in the style of a Scottish Pub, though much of the original exterior has remained stubbornly resistant to change over the years. The former clinic at the top of Johnstone Avenue now houses the world-famous studios of Randy Rythms, owned and managed by ex Roxy Music session saxophonist, Randy Honeyman.

A University Town

On the site of the former Rubberworks factory, the town and University have built John Forty's Court although it is locally known as Forty Towers. One of the more charming parts of the estate.

Corntonvale Prison

No trip to Cornton would be complete without a quick visit to Corntonvale Prison . Corntonvale Prison is not really in Cornton since the electoral boundary actually terminates at the first class Cornton Primary School. Corntonvale is actually in the electoral district of Bridge of Allan although just a tad on the wrong side of the railway to be called Bofavale prison - a popular suggestion for the next time it re-evaluates its role.

Cornton just before punk rock exploded

2005-10-12T22:51:00.000+02:00

Does anyone remember the idiot who decided that painting every available public surface in the Cornton with mult-coloured triangles would be pure dead brilliant way to defeat graffiti artists?
Sadly the only effect it had on anyone who saw it was that they lost the will to live. Where are those councillors now? Just in case someone has another similar idea, here are some Graffiti prevention tips.
Make sure everyone has purposeful employment. Ensure the growth of independent ownership. Clean the graffiti off as soon as it appears. Councils have bigger pockets than graffiti artists.

Cornton: Straight outta Cornton

2005-10-06T10:25:00.000+02:00

Dee Conroy rather amusingly used to be able to sing this in the style of Ice Cube and Fraser once suggested she should sing Straight Outta Cornton.

Nina Gordon has produced something that could almost pass for that.
Find it here: Nina Gordon

And then singalong with this

N.W.A.

Verse One: Ice Cube

Straight outta Compton,

crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube

From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes

When I'm called off,

I got a sawed off

Squeeze the trigger,

and bodies are hauled off You too, boy, if ya fuck with me

The police are gonna hafta come and get me Off yo ass,

that's how I'm goin out

For the punk motherfuckers that's showin out

Niggaz start to mumble

, they wanna rumble

Mix em

and cook em in a pot like gumbo

Goin off

on a motherfucker like that

with a gat

that's pointed at yo ass

So give it up smooth

Ain't no tellin when I'm down

for a jack move

Here's a murder rap

to keep yo dancin

with a crime record

like Charles Manson my AK

-47 is a tool

Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool

Me you can go

toe to toe,

no maybe

I'm knockin niggaz out tha box, daily

yo weekly, monthly and yearly

until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly

that I'm down with the capital C-P-T

Boy you can't fuck with me

So when I'm in your neighborhood,

you better duck

Coz Ice Cube is crazy as fuck

As I leave,

believe I'm stompin

but when I come back, boy,

I'm comin straight outta Compton

Cornton: The Scotchtoberfest

2005-10-02T18:41:00.000+02:00

Scotchtoberfest

Cornton: Scotchtoberfest 2005

2005-10-02T18:30:00.000+02:00

Every year from German Day on the 3rd of October Cornton celebrates a whole week of Beer and cultural tradition from Germany in the World’s Largest Scotchtoberfest. Intended as a homage to the great tradition of the German Bier Festival, residents and townfolk take the whole Scotchtoberfest very seriously.

Strathmorehaus
There are a total of fourteen Beer Tents in the Cornton during Scotchtoberfest and each one takes its name from the original streets of the Cornton. In pride of place is Strathmorehaus – easily the largest of all the tents and certainly the most popular with visitors. Traditionally the festival is opened with a rendition of the German national anthem, sung by either a local councillor or someone fresh out of the Chalet. The local councillor has singing voice reminiscent of Elvis and there is always a big turnout to this event.

Beer and Pies
Beer is served in the traditional German Mass which holds three pints almost and in accordance with the Scottish Licencing systems is filled almost to the brim.
The pie is of course almost unknown in Germany – there being no word for pie in German, they never got round to making them. Old Corntonians take their pies seriously and have a fond memory of pies and the McGrouthers Sausage, Meat and Pie factory which used to be on the site of the old business park. This means that traditional highland meals feature on the menu with Pie and Chips, Sausage and Chips and of course the not to be missed Black Pudding Beans and Chips.

Classic Beers
Classic Scottish beers are on tap in every beer tent and at prices which are an outrageous explotation of the gullible Scotchtoberfest Tourists, who can complain.
Lager Tops 6.8
Lager 6.8
Heavy 6.8
Rancid White Wine 4.5
Rancid Red Wine 4.5
Litre Buckie 4.5
Not forgetting the lassies there is the traditional
Pure Highland Vodka 4.5
Diluting orange 50p extra

Cornton: Invasion Of Cornton

2005-10-01T07:43:00.000+02:00

Operation Overlord Begins.

The Price of Drugs (business pages special)

D-Day Marks Start of Cornton Invasion.

Not a lot of Drugs Actually Found

Locals Cheer the invasion and serve tea to victorious journalists.
{Hum the theme to the Dambusters while reading}

Thousands of Allied journalists from Raploch, Causewayhead and far off Bridge of Allan have begun landing on the banks of the Forth in southern Cornton at the start of a major offensive against the Druggies.

Thousands of parajournalists and glider-borne journalists have also been dropped behind enemy lines and the Daily Record are already said to have penetrated several miles inland.

The landings were preceded by air attacks along the Johnstone Avenue.

About 1,300 RAF planes were involved in the first wave of assaults then 1,000 American bombers took up the attack dropping bombs on targets in southern Cornton.

Dawn revealed the astonishing sight of serried ranks of journalists cars heaving over the horizon and passing in wave after wave, packed to capacity with hacks, photographers and TV equipment.

People's Cornton Invasion memories

The Guy who wishes he was Prime Minister Winston Monteith has told anyone prepared to listen to him that Operation Overlord - the codename for the Cornton landings - is proceeding "in a thoroughly satisfactory manner". “I am here primarily to support the police in a very necessary operation which I hope gives confidence to the public.”

He said the landing of airborne journalists was "on a scale far larger than anything there has been so far in the world" and had taken place with extremely little loss.

The assault began shortly after midnight under the command of General Sandy Cameron.

Timing of the Cornton landings was crucial. They were originally scheduled to take place in May but a couple of useless MSP’s were still on holiday - then postponed until June when local councillors had to attend a beer festival in Toronto on a cultural exchange and put off again at the last minute for 24 hours by bad weather and the fact that it wasn’t suitable for a couple of local journalist. Finally since there were no Galas, local fetes or a bunch of businessmen holding a big check, September 21st was obviously a perfect day for a publicity, stunt.

Upwards of 4,000 ships and several thousand smaller craft crossed the River Forth to the Southern coast of Cornton.

Enemy reports say the landings took place between the top of Johnstone Avenue and a part of the bottom part.

The Queen broadcast a message last night warning of the "supreme test" the Allies faced and she called on the nation to pray for the liberation of Cornton.

Sylvania Waters, Labour’s representative had her press officer knock up something anodyne that would not impact voters.

As a result of this multi-million pound action two people were arrested. One man was caught looking out of a window and another was stepping on the cracks in the pavement. A third man, arrested for looking funny was later released.

A ten quid deal was found at the back of a couch and seized, with a street value of £1.2 million pounds according to official sources.

Cornton: Our Astronauts will walk on the Moon

2005-09-20T07:18:00.000+02:00

Cornton Enters Race Back to The Moon

New Space College To Open

We Will Beat The Yanks

In a move that will surprise many residents, the Cornton Community Council announced the creation of two new organisations yesterday. The first - CASA Cornton Aeronautics & Space Agency has unveiled an ambitious plan to beat the Americans back to the Moon. CASA will take over the disused community centre building and convert it into the CEV (Cornton Excursion Vehicle) assembly building. The bus terminus is closely located and this will become Cornton Launch Platform One. The Garages behind the former bus terminus will become Cape Cody Command Centre.

CASA has set the test launch for July 2015, five years earlier than the planned American venture. Development of the CEV will be undertaken by former REME employees concurrent with the training program for plumbers in partnership with the Stirling College's Space and Plumbing Course, stretching both the frontiers of space exploration and the technicalities of the u-bend.

Research and development will be the responsibility of the Cornton Joint Propulsion Labs. "We are up to speed on the Joint part and we just need time to catch up with the rest of the title," a spokesperson for the CJPL told TLC yesterday.

Funding for the projected, estimated at £485 billion should be the subject of a grant from the district councils Leisure & Recreation Directive and the Women's. "These two local authority departments normally fund anything," added the CJPL spokesperson

Suggestions for crew members of early test flights of the CEV, which should take place over Bridge of Allan, have included regulars of the Chalet and elements of the Cornton Alerts Committe. Two other people were later found to be residents of Fallin and it already has enough cadets involved in their very own space program.

The Inaugural General Meeting of the Committee to put Cornton on the Moon

will take place next Wednesday at 6pm sharp in the CEV assembly building (formerly known as the community centre). Tea and sandwiches will be provided and volunteer Space Agency Officers are reminded that the bingo starts at 7:30 so arguments about the electric kettle will be restricted to no more than three minutes

Cornton Tourist T-shirt Offer

2005-09-07T20:34:00.000+02:00

Still in the land of fantasy security, this T-shirt could easily be worn to many a stylish function.

Cornton is a great place to grow up

2005-09-04T13:40:00.000+02:00

It is too. I spent almost all of my childhood, teenage years and adult life living in the Cornton.

But just imagine if you had to attend the meetings of the Revolutionary Cornton Alerts Committee. Perhaps the meetings might go something like this...

Minutes of the Provisional Action Council of the Cornton Alerts Committee

31/08/2005 19:30 ASU 7

Meeting called by: Mr Cream (Dir Intel)

Type of meeting: ASU Facilitator: ASU 7 Note taker: Mr Blue

Attendees:Mr Green, Mr Blue, Mr Cream, Mr Red, Mr White, Mr Purple, Mr Violet

Agenda

1. Press Coverage Mr Green

Mr Green told the meeting that the recent news coverage had been very succesfule. Superintendent B had specifically avoided saying that any of the committees grievances were inaccurate. She proposed that the council try to obtain a meeting with a local reporter and present the evidence to him. Mr Violet suggested that a midnight tour of the estate with the reporter would show everyone what people had to put up with. Mr Purple wanted it made clear in the next communique with the press, that the stories circulating about arson and arson attacks were complete rubbish. It was important for us not to look like a bunch of angry lunatics and we should duly note this as a policy Mr Green formally proposed that indiscriminate fire bombing was unacceptable behaviour. Mr Red proposed an amendment that stated that the committee decried all acts of an indescriminate nature and that it was the policy of the committee to use those methods considered most appropriate in the circumstances and that they held the people causing the problems in the community entirely responsible for every action taken. Mr White proposed that if a reporter was not forthcoming perhps more direct action might involve inviting a member of the press for a longer stay in Cornton. COS proposed the next section of the discussion be held in camera and remain unminuted.

2. Awarness Campaign Mr Red

More people had a better understanding of the situation and more people outside the community were being made aware. Mr Red had been contacted by individuals from Cultenhove, Cowie and Fallin interested in building membership and raising consciousness in their areas. Mr Green has relatives in one of the areas and she agreed to provide support for possible ASU’s. People in the Cornton were now well informed about who the families named in the letter were. The winos, druggies and hooligans were clearly in the public eye.

3. Police tip offs Mr Grass

Mr Grass reported that they were continuing the surveillance of the active targets and gave a clear presentation of what actions by the targets would activate police inform. Three particular targets had already provided a lot of material on videotape and Mr Purple now had a more advance night vision camera that was being put to good use.

4. Personal security measures Mr White

Mr White has provided everyone with the PGP software and all PC’s have been checked for material evidence and where neccesary this has been permanently deleted. He warned of the need for personal vigilance and that he himself had overheard certain inviduals (named and noted) talking about what they planned in the C.He also reminded the committee to avoiding talk about the targets specifically named in the letters two the press. White warned that they believed there was the risk that some members of the committee were under police surveillance themslevs and that the needed to be very careful not to posses physical evidence or make any statement that may be incriminating. Mr White used a short clip from CSI Miami to show members the best methods of avoiding this. Mr Green volunteered that she had the complete third season of CSI – the real one in Vegas and she would be happy to make copies of it for anyone who gave her the blank disks.Mr White reminded everyone about how important it was for them to have a poor memory of events.

5. Targets. lists & actions Mr Purple

The present deadpool list was presented and three additions were approved.

Mr Purple advised that they now had two further links in target sparrow’s supply chain although recent developments and police action may mean these are not needed as a prolonged sentence is almost certain. Target Kermit and the Target Teletubbies, especially Tinky Winky and La La, were now involved in the double strategy of civil and vigilant action.

6. Black Operations Mr Violet

Mr Black began by apoligising for the activities of his teenage children regarding the incident at the bottle banks. His apologies were accepted and his parenting skills were noted as very good by the committee. Apart from a dsicussion on the contents of the next press communique, the other four operations were moved in camera an not minuted.

Any other commpetent business.

Mr Green raised the point of order that the code names of individuals were all Mr and seemed to indicate a male bias in the group. Mr Green proposed that each alternate code name should be Ms. Mr White pointed out that Mr Green would still be Mr if she did it that way and what if someone wanted to change it again to Mrs or Miss. The status quo remained

Mr White proposed a change of name on the basis that the word vigilante sounded as if everyone was a gun crazy red-neck. Mr Black did not support the initial suggestion. “The People’s Front For The Liberation Of Cornton or PFLOC” because it sounded middle eastern and would confuse people. Mr Violet suggested the “Cornton Defense League or CDL” but response to this was lookwarm and Mr Black said it sounded like a superhero group. Mr Violet also suggested the “Cornton Organised Defence Initiative or CODI”

Additional Information

Time of next meeting.

Mr Green noted that the next regular meeting clashed with the bingo.