Cornton just before punk rock exploded

Does anyone remember the idiot who decided that painting every available public surface in the Cornton with mult-coloured triangles would be pure dead brilliant way to defeat graffiti artists?
Sadly the only effect it had on anyone who saw it was that they lost the will to live. Where are those councillors now? Just in case someone has another similar idea, here are some Graffiti prevention tips.
Make sure everyone has purposeful employment. Ensure the growth of independent ownership. Clean the graffiti off as soon as it appears. Councils have bigger pockets than graffiti artists.

Cornton: Straight outta Cornton

Dee Conroy rather amusingly used to be able to sing this in the style of Ice Cube and Fraser once suggested she should sing Straight Outta Cornton.

Nina Gordon has produced something that could almost pass for that.
Find it here: Nina Gordon


And then singalong with this

N.W.A.

Verse One: Ice Cube

Straight outta Compton,

crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube

From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes

When I'm called off,

I got a sawed off

Squeeze the trigger,

and bodies are hauled off You too, boy, if ya fuck with me

The police are gonna hafta come and get me Off yo ass,

that's how I'm goin out

For the punk motherfuckers that's showin out

Niggaz start to mumble

, they wanna rumble

Mix em

and cook em in a pot like gumbo

Goin off

on a motherfucker like that

with a gat

that's pointed at yo ass

So give it up smooth

Ain't no tellin when I'm down

for a jack move

Here's a murder rap

to keep yo dancin

with a crime record

like Charles Manson my AK

-47 is a tool

Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool

Me you can go

toe to toe,

no maybe

I'm knockin niggaz out tha box, daily

yo weekly, monthly and yearly

until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly

that I'm down with the capital C-P-T

Boy you can't fuck with me

So when I'm in your neighborhood,

you better duck

Coz Ice Cube is crazy as fuck

As I leave,

believe I'm stompin

but when I come back, boy,

I'm comin straight outta Compton

Cornton: The Scotchtoberfest

Scotchtoberfest

Cornton: Scotchtoberfest 2005

Every year from German Day on the 3rd of October Cornton celebrates a whole week of Beer and cultural tradition from Germany in the World’s Largest Scotchtoberfest. Intended as a homage to the great tradition of the German Bier Festival, residents and townfolk take the whole Scotchtoberfest very seriously.

Strathmorehaus
There are a total of fourteen Beer Tents in the Cornton during Scotchtoberfest and each one takes its name from the original streets of the Cornton. In pride of place is Strathmorehaus – easily the largest of all the tents and certainly the most popular with visitors. Traditionally the festival is opened with a rendition of the German national anthem, sung by either a local councillor or someone fresh out of the Chalet. The local councillor has singing voice reminiscent of Elvis and there is always a big turnout to this event.

Beer and Pies
Beer is served in the traditional German Mass which holds three pints almost and in accordance with the Scottish Licencing systems is filled almost to the brim.
The pie is of course almost unknown in Germany – there being no word for pie in German, they never got round to making them. Old Corntonians take their pies seriously and have a fond memory of pies and the McGrouthers Sausage, Meat and Pie factory which used to be on the site of the old business park. This means that traditional highland meals feature on the menu with Pie and Chips, Sausage and Chips and of course the not to be missed Black Pudding Beans and Chips.

Classic Beers
Classic Scottish beers are on tap in every beer tent and at prices which are an outrageous explotation of the gullible Scotchtoberfest Tourists, who can complain.
Lager Tops 6.8
Lager 6.8
Heavy 6.8
Rancid White Wine 4.5
Rancid Red Wine 4.5
Litre Buckie 4.5
Not forgetting the lassies there is the traditional
Pure Highland Vodka 4.5
Diluting orange 50p extra

Cornton: Invasion Of Cornton

Operation Overlord Begins.

The Price of Drugs (business pages special)

D-Day Marks Start of Cornton Invasion.

Not a lot of Drugs Actually Found

Locals Cheer the invasion and serve tea to victorious journalists.
{Hum the theme to the Dambusters while reading}

Thousands of Allied journalists from Raploch, Causewayhead and far off Bridge of Allan have begun landing on the banks of the Forth in southern Cornton at the start of a major offensive against the Druggies.

Thousands of parajournalists and glider-borne journalists have also been dropped behind enemy lines and the Daily Record are already said to have penetrated several miles inland.

The landings were preceded by air attacks along the Johnstone Avenue.

About 1,300 RAF planes were involved in the first wave of assaults then 1,000 American bombers took up the attack dropping bombs on targets in southern Cornton.

Dawn revealed the astonishing sight of serried ranks of journalists cars heaving over the horizon and passing in wave after wave, packed to capacity with hacks, photographers and TV equipment.

People's Cornton Invasion memories

The Guy who wishes he was Prime Minister Winston Monteith has told anyone prepared to listen to him that Operation Overlord - the codename for the Cornton landings - is proceeding "in a thoroughly satisfactory manner". “I am here primarily to support the police in a very necessary operation which I hope gives confidence to the public.”

He said the landing of airborne journalists was "on a scale far larger than anything there has been so far in the world" and had taken place with extremely little loss.

The assault began shortly after midnight under the command of General Sandy Cameron.

Timing of the Cornton landings was crucial. They were originally scheduled to take place in May but a couple of useless MSP’s were still on holiday - then postponed until June when local councillors had to attend a beer festival in Toronto on a cultural exchange and put off again at the last minute for 24 hours by bad weather and the fact that it wasn’t suitable for a couple of local journalist. Finally since there were no Galas, local fetes or a bunch of businessmen holding a big check, September 21st was obviously a perfect day for a publicity, stunt.

Upwards of 4,000 ships and several thousand smaller craft crossed the River Forth to the Southern coast of Cornton.

Enemy reports say the landings took place between the top of Johnstone Avenue and a part of the bottom part.

The Queen broadcast a message last night warning of the "supreme test" the Allies faced and she called on the nation to pray for the liberation of Cornton.

Sylvania Waters, Labour’s representative had her press officer knock up something anodyne that would not impact voters.

As a result of this multi-million pound action two people were arrested. One man was caught looking out of a window and another was stepping on the cracks in the pavement. A third man, arrested for looking funny was later released.

A ten quid deal was found at the back of a couch and seized, with a street value of £1.2 million pounds according to official sources.